Unlatched
by mpg
Summary: I stared at the empty space across the table from me, wondering when Bella would be home. The table was set long ago, and her dinner was getting cold. AH/Angst


**This is a o/s written for the Season of Our Discontent Anonymous Angst Contest**

Picture Prompt Number: #3  
>Pairing: Edward &amp; Bella<br>Rating: M  
>Word Count (minus An and header): 6,378

**Summary (250 characters or less, including spaces and punctuation): ****I stared at the empty space across the table from me, wondering when Bella would be home. The table was set long ago, and her dinner was getting cold. **

**Warnings and Disclaimer: I own zero, but I owe a lot to albymangroves who betad this & made it much better (and if you don't believe me, go read her 2****nd**** place winning entry – The Flight…I'll wait here until you are done). Warning: this story includes difficult / sensitive subject matter that may include one or more of the subjects listed in Rule #7 on the Season of Our Discontent profile page. **

~ 0 ~

I stared at the empty space across the table from me, wondering when Bella would be home. The table was set long ago, and her dinner was getting cold.

I frowned at the darkening sky. It was getting very late in the evening. I had delayed cooking for as long as I could, mostly because it was something that Bella and I did together. In fact, we did most things together. Eventually though, I'd had to concede that I would have to cook on my own, or else we'd both be eating at midnight.

I knew Bella would be home any time now. I had no doubt that she was just stewing over our last fight and trying to make me suffer a bit first. I smiled; it was typical of her to make me squirm before forgiving me at the last moment and falling into bed wrapped in my arms. It would be up to me to apologize because she would never back down. I'd tried to call her earlier, but the battery in her cell must have gone flat.

I couldn't stop my mind wandering back to our parting. She'd brushed past me on her way through the door and walked into the bitter cold, upset with me for something I'd said. She hadn't even glanced over her shoulder at me before leaving. Her chin was held high and set in a way that told me I was going to suffer, although we both knew that I would beg for forgiveness which she would grant fairly quickly. I had no doubt it was the reason she was staying out so late, she probably just wasn't ready to forgive me yet.

It was our way though; we fought fiercely and loved passionately. Our love was the sort that our friends and family envied. We could be arguing over whose turn it was to do the washing one minute, and tearing the clothes off each other the next.

I glanced at the door repeatedly while picking at my meal. Every time there was a sound outside, I would drop my fork to investigate it, just in case it was her.

Finally, after I'd been playing with my food for over an hour, I had to acknowledge that Bella wouldn't be home for dinner. I just had to hope that she would be home sometime before I was asleep. I wanted her to fall asleep in my arms as we talked late into the night, just like we always did. I knew as soon as she came home, she would tell me everything that had happened from the moment she'd left, I was counting on it because it helped me to sleep.

I packed up the dishes, tipping the uneaten portion of my dinner into the bin underneath the sink. I knew Bella would scold me for wasting food when she saw it, but I couldn't help it. Despite the hunger that clawed at my insides, I couldn't really eat. Food just didn't taste as good knowing Bella was still so upset with me that she couldn't come home.

I placed Bella's uneaten meal into a container before finding a space in the freezer for it. I wanted to make sure it was there for her when she came home. I ignored the fact that the freezer needed a good clean-out. It was just one of those jobs that didn't matter, and things always tended to get thrown in haphazardly anyway.

I washed the dishes, carefully cleaning off every trace of dirt and grime—Bella hated finding any dirt on dishes that had been put away. I checked the kitchen over again, making sure everything was in its place, the place that Bella had decided on when she'd set up the house. The last thing I did before leaving the kitchen was to turn the kettle on. It wasn't for me, but Bella always had a chamomile tea right before bed and I wanted to make sure that the water was hot and ready. I couldn't risk her walking in the door only to be disappointed in me.

I passed through the huge, house, ignoring all the empty rooms. We'd decided early on that kids were definitely on the agenda, just as soon as we'd sorted out our careers. Being a resident in the Emergency Department involved some long hours, and we both agreed we'd wait until I had the time to be a more hands-on dad.

Out of habit, I headed straight for the living room. It was where we always went after we'd finished finishing dinner. I stood behind the oversized couch and eyed the TV skeptically. Before long, I decided to just ignore it and head straight for bed. It was too easy to picture us on that huge couch, taking up a tiny amount of space as she sat in my lap or curled into my side. Any show I put on now would only remind me that Bella wasn't home to enjoy it with me. With the darkness pressing in on me from all sides, I would miss the warmth of her nearby as I watched TV. I didn't think I could handle another reminder just yet.

On my way to the bedroom, I stopped to check that the front door was unlocked—even though I knew it was. Bella's key was resting on the top of the fridge. I didn't know why it was there, why she didn't have it with her, but I didn't want her to panic when she realized she couldn't get in the house.

Bella was still on my mind as I tossed and turned, waiting for sleep but also waiting for her. I wondered how long it would be until she came home. I needed to tell her so many things. I needed to try to explain why I'd said what I had, and that I was sorry. Most of all, I needed to beg for her forgiveness.

I rolled over onto her side of the bed and buried my face into her pillow.

~ 0 ~

I had a restless night of horrid dreams. I woke panting and coated in sweat; the exertions of the nightmares were almost too much for my body to handle. The color of blood filled my dreams. Other images clawed at my mind too: scrubbing and scrubbing to remove deep crimson stains, a sallow face with haunted eyes staring back at me from a mirror, tears—endless tears, and darkness surrounding me as I drowned in a sea of black.

_It was only a dream. _

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

_It will all be better when Bella comes home. _

I sighed contentedly thinking about my Bella. She was my anchor to the world; she held me in place whenever times got rough. Her beauty was subtle: in the way her top lip was ever so slightly out of synch with the bottom one, or the way her hair fell in long waves around her face, accentuating its soft love-heart shape. She never considered herself to be attractive, nor did she consider herself to be ugly. That was another one of her attributes; she just _was_, and she just allowed herself to be. She didn't need tons of make-up or the latest fashion to feel better about herself.

I thought about how we met and how we loved. She was so giving and pure. In fact, nothing was ever too much to ask of her, she was always going out of her way to do things for others. It was one of the reasons I tasked myself with looking after her, of taking care of her and of making sure everything was perfect for her here, at home.

I looked over at her side of the bed, finally acknowledging the truth that had eluded me since I woke. Bella didn't come home last night. I sat rigid on the edge of the bed for a few moments, allowing the pain of that realization to wash over me before I shut it down.

_It's okay. If she didn't come home last night, it's only because she is coming home today._

I plastered a smile on my face. _Today_ would be the day she would walk back through the door and allow me to apologize once and for all about the way things were right before she left.

I pushed myself off the bed, a new spring in my step at the thought that any minute, Bella would be back. Any moment now, she would come home. I showered and changed into the shirt she'd once proclaimed was her favorite, right before she left, trying not to notice the fraying around the cuffs or the loose buttons.

I grabbed myself some cereal for breakfast, placing a second bowl on the table ready for Bella's arrival. I headed back into the kitchen to wash out the coffee pot and put it on. She always said there was nothing better than fresh coffee first thing in the morning.

I poured the milk over my cornflakes, ensuring I left ample for Bella.

I chewed slowly, keeping a constant ear out for the door, for a car outside, or for any other sound that would indicate her return. I pictured her as she was when she last left, chin high and defiant with fire in her eyes. I smiled at the vision.

I packed up the bowls, tipping the left over cereal and milk down the sink, before washing everything to perfection and tidying the kitchen. I left the coffee pot on, knowing that coffee would be one of the first things Bella would want when she came home.

I headed for the living room and eyed the large couch. Perhaps if I watched a little TV to bide some time, Bella would be home quicker. I sat awkwardly among the mammoth cushions, feeling surrounded on all sides. I stared at the black screen of the TV, unwilling to turn it on just yet. I wanted to wait for just a moment more, because I was certain she would come home very soon. I didn't want to miss the telltale snick of the front door opening just because I had the TV on.

I thought about work, about the career I was forging for myself at the hospital. I'd been called the best and brightest resident they'd had; at least since my father. I always shied away from the comparison, even though secretly, I loved that people were willing to compare me to the man who was my hero growing up. I knew they wouldn't miss me today though, they would understand that Bella's return was far more important. Everyone at the hospital knew exactly what Bella meant to me.

~ 0 ~

I watched the clock readout on the DVD player change at regular intervals. Each change marked another minute without Bella beside me. Judging by the numbers, it was almost lunchtime, although that meant little to me. I'd wait until she came home before I ate.

I stood, deciding that the place was a mess and it wouldn't do for Bella to come home to a house that was a shambles. I dusted the shelves in the living room and wiped off the blinds. I moved through each room, cleaning like a man possessed. I swept out the tiled areas, but I refused to vacuum; it would make too much noise and I might miss Bella coming through the front door.

Finally, sometime around three o'clock, I heard the sound I'd been desperately waiting for; the click and slide of the front door being opened.

"Bella!" I shouted. My voice was hoarse from disuse and cracked with the joy I felt bubbling in my chest.

My heart raced. I was so desperate to hold her again. I wanted to cling to her and never release her from my arms again. A fresh surge of love for her flowed through my body, giving my legs a strength I thought I'd lost.

She was home.

I put worries about what she'd say out of my mind, I knew she'd be just as happy to see me. I couldn't wait to pull her warm body against mine. I could picture her face smiling at how ridiculous I was, lavishing so much attention on her when I knew she was coming home. She would always come home to me, no matter how upset she was.

She was _home_.

I ran through the house, ready to take her into my arms and never let her go. I was going to kiss away the argument we'd had and beg her to forgive me. And if she didn't, then I wouldn't stop begging until she did.

I resisted calling out her name again as I rounded the corner to the front door.

I stopped short and my knees buckled when I realized who had opened the door.

My sister, Alice, stood where my beautiful Bella should have been.

I managed to stifle the cry that threatened to burst from me as disappointment washed through my being. I leaned heavily against the wall, allowing it to take my weight as I knew I wouldn't be able to remain standing on my own.

Alice stared at me sadly, looking me up and down as if she was searching for something. Her mouth turned down into a tiny frown. She didn't ask to come further into the house, and I didn't invite her. Instead, we were locked in a silent battle of wills in the entrance.

I didn't want to back down, but I knew if I didn't, we would be here all day. Alice was like a bull when she wanted something; she could even out-stubborn Bella.

"Alice," I sighed finally, desperate just to get the conversation over and done with. Once upon a time, Alice and I had been close, but that seemed like an eternity ago. She used to be Bella's best friend too, but even that changed. I didn't want to think about the reason why, I just wanted her out of our house.

"You really should lock that door," she said finally. "It's not safe."

I didn't argue with her, I knew it would get me nowhere. "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop this."

I wanted to pretend I didn't know what she was talking about—or why she was there—but I knew she was going to talk to me whether I liked it or not. I stared at her, willing her to just leave already. What would Bella think if she came home right now?

"You have to stop doing this. You need to move on."

I ignored her attempts at conversation. "Do you want a drink?"

She reached for me with her hand and implored me with her eyes. "You can't pretend forever."

I dropped my gaze to the ground because her stare was piercing. Questions, and answers, that I didn't want or need, burned just below the surface.

"It's not fair on us, Edward," she said softly. "It's not fair on Mom and Dad. Don't you realize what this is doing to the rest of your family?"

I bit my lip. I knew what was coming; I just didn't know how to stop her from saying it.

"You have to accept that Bella is _gone_. She isn't coming back."

"You don't know that, Alice," I snapped, meeting her eyes again. "You can't tell me that she isn't coming home." I was panting again as my mind raced with ways to get her to leave.

Alice stared at me for a few moments before dropping her eyes to the floor. She took a number of slow deep breaths, the last one holding back a sob. Eventually, she lifted her head again. A tear rolled down her cheek, crossing over a scar that zigzagged over the right side of her face. I averted my eyes quickly when I saw the scar; I hated the sight of it marring my sister's face.

She regarded me carefully.

"Yes, I can," she spoke slowly, softly, like a mother explaining to a child that the nightmares weren't real. "Bella isn't coming back, Edward. She won't just turn up out of the blue. She's-"

"She _is_ coming back," I cut her off. I knew Bella would return. Deep in my heart, I knew that I just had to wait for her. She _would_ come back to me, we loved each other too much for her not to. It didn't matter what anyone else said to me, I knew Bella too well. She wouldn't leave me hurting like this. She wouldn't leave me with a gaping hole in my chest.

Alice gave me a look that was full of pity and I turned away from her quickly. I didn't need her pity, nor did I want it.

"Please," she sobbed. She didn't elaborate on what she was asking of me, but part of me knew already. I had known from the moment she'd arrived what she wanted from me, and it was something I just wasn't able to give.

"If you're going to be like this, Alice, can you please just go?"

She wept freely. I turned away at the sound, hating myself but unable to offer her anything more.

"Edw—"

"Just go," I cut her off. We'd had the exact conversation too many times to count. It always ended the same way, and yet each time seemed to upset her even more.

She turned and left, flicking the lock over just before she pulled the door shut. I knew it was her way of making me face the truth, but it had the opposite effect. She wanted me to lock Bella out and ignore the aching chasm where my heart once resided. I couldn't though, because Bella _was_ coming home. That knowledge was the only thing that helped me out of bed each morning and saw me through the day. Day after day of sitting and waiting for that one perfect moment that I knew was coming soon; the moment when Bella was back in my arms.

Rather than making me admit the unspeakable truth, the sight of the locked door sent me into a panic. I leapt across the space and flicked the lock, desperate to make sure the door was completely uninhibited. My breath came in short, staccato bursts as I threw the door open, making sure it was definitely unrestrained.

I saw Alice duck into her car before glancing up at the house and giving me one more pitiful look. I turned away from her, unwilling to feel guilty over the way my actions made her feel. She just didn't understand.

I checked the door was unlocked one last time before heading back to my chores.

After all, I needed to make sure the house was perfect for when Bella came home.

~ 0 ~

I slid the plate onto the table. I knew I needed to eat, so I was forcing myself to sit with dinner while I waited for Bella. I wanted to put off eating altogether until she came home, but in the end, I knew she wouldn't want me starving. I would just reheat what I'd cooked for her when she arrived. I knew she would be home soon. She had to be. She had to know how much I missed her, and how I longed to hold her again.

I picked at my food, keeping up my constant vigil for any sound that indicated her arrival. I knew she would be annoyed when she got home. She didn't have her key and the battery in her cell was flat. It had to be. That was the only reason I could think for why she wouldn't answer when I called.

I cleared the table, taking everything into the kitchen with me. I sealed Bella's meal into a container and strained to make room for it in the freezer. It would be there, waiting, when she came home.

~ 0 ~

I hated the days when I ran out of vital groceries.

I shopped in bulk because I despised the thought of Bella coming home to an empty house. I made a list of everything that we were out of, and everything that was beginning to run low. I almost never shopped, so when I did, I made sure to get plenty. If I wasn't so particular about the brands I wanted, I probably could have just called them and they would have organized everything for me, but I couldn't risk them picking the wrong brand of cereal. I'd tried shopping online once, but quickly learned they thought brand substitution was acceptable as well. It wasn't. I had to get Bella's favorite things.

I double checked that the door was unlocked as I left. I didn't care about the security risk. There was nothing inside the house that was anywhere near as valuable to me as Bella. I didn't want her locked out of her own house.

I studiously ignored the car in the driveway as I started my walk to the shop. It was quicker to drive, but I couldn't get behind the wheel anymore. Even the thought of being in a vehicle made my hands clammy.

I had shopping down to a fine art. I was finished and on my way home within an hour. The supermarket home delivered, which meant I was unencumbered on my walk.

The door was ajar when I arrived home and my heart sped. A smile broke out across my face and I ran into the house as quickly as I could. I followed the sounds of movement within; they were coming from the kitchen.

"Bel—" I stopped cold when I realized that it wasn't Bella.

My mother had meticulously removed all of the containers of food from the freezer and stacked them neatly on the bench. The sight of them almost made me sick.

"How dare you!" I snapped, throwing them haphazardly back into the freezer. "They're Bella's."

Mom jumped back as if she had been bitten. "Please, Edward. We're only trying to help."

"You can help by leaving." I slammed the freezer door shut to emphasize my point.

"Look at you," her voice was soft now, as if she was completely ignorant of my anger, which had startled her only moments earlier. "You aren't looking after yourself properly. You're wasting away. I never see you anymore. You look like you haven't seen the sun for weeks."

I jutted my chin out and stared pointedly just over her head. If I dropped my gaze even a little bit, I would see in her eyes things that I didn't want to see. I just wanted her to stop; I wanted her to leave.

"Baby, I know it's hard, but you have to realize Bella isn't coming home."

I shook my head. Bella _was_ coming. Any moment, she would walk in the door and prove them all wrong. Everyone who doubted our love would see. They would know.

Mom reached out one hand slowly, before tracing the curve of my jaw. I knew it was a plea for me to look at her. I held out as long as I could, but finally my traitorous eyes flicked down to meet hers.

"She isn't coming home, Edward. You know that." Tears swelled in her eyes, making them deep pools of sorrow.

The aching in my chest grew, radiating out until it encompassed my throat and stole my voice. I felt the familiar sting in my eyes. Mom was doing what only moms could; allowing me to feel, forcing me to acknowledge the truth within.

A great sob tore at my chest. "I miss her so much, Mom."

"I know, honey."

Mom wrapped her arms tightly around me, pulling me down to her height and somehow reducing me to an eight-year-old boy. I was wrapped securely in a cocoon of love and there, I could allow my sorrow to take hold. Tears flowed freely through me, one for each minute Bella had been away. I couldn't deny the ache that I felt from the moment she left. I couldn't force myself to push it down when confronted by Mom.

I don't know how long I stood crying against Mom's shoulder. Great wails escaped me, howls of sorrow and sleepless nights, of lonely meals and silent days. She never tried to hurry me or gave off any air of impatience. She would be there for me for as long as I needed her to be. She whispered meaningless words of comfort, but never once did she tell me it would be okay. She knew as well as I did that nothing would ever be okay again.

~ 0 ~

I heard Dad's quiet murmuring as he knocked on the door. I knew he wouldn't come in, he no longer felt welcome. I wasn't entirely sure that he was.

"Are you going to be okay?" Mom asked quietly as I lifted my head from her shoulder.

I shook my head, but my mouth formed the word, "Yes."

"I wish you would talk to your father, I think it would help you both."

I nodded. "I know what you are thinking, but I know there's nothing he can help me with." _I just need Bella to come home. _

"Maybe he can help you…_understand_?"

I tried to imagine what she meant by the word, but my mind shied away from the possibilities. Flashes of haunted eyes meeting mine in a bathroom mirror, white sinks stained with red and a sea of tears all assaulted me until I shook my head to clear them away.

As if he'd heard the conversation, or perhaps the two of them had conspired against me, Dad came into the kitchen.

"Edward, can we please talk?" He wrung his hands tightly. I hadn't seen him in so long, so I was surprised by how aged he looked; much older than his fifty-odd years.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I murmured, turning away from him to concentrate on cleaning the counter, which now appeared incredibly dirty to me.

More images struck me. I stilled as I saw the last time I spoke to Bella. I witnessed our fight again, completely powerless to stop it, or change the outcome.

~ 0 ~

"_I think it's time," she said. Her smile was warm and she looked content. She was sitting on the counter and feeding me toast while I stood between her legs—my favorite place in the world. _

"_Time for what?" I asked, checking my watch. We still had at least a half hour before we needed to leave for work. _

"_Time to start a family, of course!" She scrunched her nose in that oh-so-cute way she had. Her eyes hinted at secrets that she wasn't yet ready to tell._

_I raised my eyebrow. "Right this second?" I kissed her neck. "I could be convinced," I murmured against her skin. We had a half hour after all, plenty of time for a quick post-breakfast fuck. _

_She pushed my head back before kissing my lips softly. "I'm being serious, Edward. I really want this." _

_I frowned. "Why now? Why not stick to our plan?" _

_We'd discussed it, and we both wanted kids in the not too distant future, but we'd agreed that it would be better to wait until I'd finished my residency so that my hours would be _slightly _more reasonable. _

_She grinned. "I just think now is a much better time." _

_I pushed back from the counter and raked my hand through my hair. "But work is crazy, for both of us, and we were going to get further ahead with the mortgage first. It's just not a good time right now. Why don't we start trying in six months?" _

_Her mouth turned down her eyes lost the little mischievous, secretive glint they'd held earlier. "Six months?" _

"_Sure, why not?"_

"_Because I want a baby now," she huffed and pushed herself off the counter. I could tell she was getting cross, but I didn't understand why. She began to throw together her things for work. "Never mind. I guess we'll talk about this later."_

_I rolled my eyes. "You can't expect to just drop a bombshell on me like that and expect me not to ask questions," I snapped. "I'm not going to magically be ready just because you want me to be." _

"_You want a bombshell, Edward?" she asked, glaring at me openly now. "I'm pregnant." _

"_What?" I asked, stunned into completely stillness. _

"_You heard," she said, walking out of the room with her chin jutting out proudly. I knew that face, she was determined not to cry in front of me. _

_I knew I should race after her and resolve our conflict, but instead I was glued to the spot. My mind kept running through her words over and over, trying to decipher some hidden meaning which wasn't there. She meant exactly what she'd said. _

_She was pregnant. _

_We were going to have a baby. _

_A grin spread over my face and a new warmth filtered into my limbs. _

_A baby. _

_Suddenly it didn't matter how crazy work was or that we'd barely paid off any of the mortgage. _

_We were going to be parents. _

~ 0 ~

"Edward? Did you hear me?"

I shook my head again, casting away the memory that had held me captive and meeting my father's eyes.

"I think it might be time for you to pay a visit to Dr Mackenzie."

I bristled. "I don't need to see a shrink."

"He's helped me, so much. I think he might be able to help you too."

I wanted him to understand, but I knew he never would. "I don't need a shrink! I just need Bella to come home."

He squeezed his eyes tightly, no doubt as a wave of guilt washed over him.

_Good. _

It was no less than he deserved.

"I know you think this is my fault, and for a long time, I agreed with you, but I know now that it was out of my hands. It was out of everyone's hands."

I shook my head. "You could have done _more_," I whispered.

The way he crumpled before my eyes told me that my whispered accusation hit home.

~ 0 ~

_It was hard work in the Emergency Department; hard, but very rewarding. Knowing that you were able to save the life of someone who would otherwise have passed away was a special feeling. Hour thirteen on a shift was always especially hard. After that, the adrenaline kicks in and you get a second wind. _

_Halfway into hour thirteen—when the fatigue was at its worst—I was lost in thoughts about Bella and the happy news I'd been given earlier—even if it was under less than happy circumstances. That was when the call came. There was a multi-vehicle pile-up, ambulances from all over were at the crash site and we would be getting an influx of casualties soon. Three ambulances were already on their way. _

_My stomach twisted the way it always did when we had these calls, but I was ready. I would be on hand to help with triage and basic trauma treatment. I scrubbed up and was ready to deal with anything. _

~ 0 ~

He shook his head from side to side and stood a little straighter. "There wasn't anything more I could have done," he said, almost robotically, as if he was reciting a mantra he'd been given. "You saw her, Edward. You were there. You know there was nothing more anyone could have done."

I shook my head wildly from side to side. I pressed my palms tightly against my ears. I didn't want to hear him. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to acknowledge the truth.

~ 0 ~

_The patient from the first ambulance was terribly broken. His injuries were severe, but not immediately life-threatening. I was halfway through my examination when I saw something that didn't belong in the scene and my mind drifted away. _

_A bloodied hand rested against the side of the next gurney, wheeled in from the second ambulance. A very distinctive ring rested on a finger of that delicate, injured hand. I disregarded the man I was tending to, and ignored the confused shouting from around me, as I focused on that ring. _

_I ran to the gurney, never before so desperate to be wrong. Hour thirteen always played tricks on you, but surely even my mind couldn't be so cruel. _

_Matted hair, stained black with blood, clung to the face of the young woman who had captured my focus. I didn't want to shift the hair, I didn't want to believe it could be true, but I knew I had to. I couldn't live with not knowing. _

_Careful to avoid aggravating any of the woman's extensive injuries, I slowly pushed away the darkened hair. Inch by revealed inch, I felt my revulsion grow. Her lips were swollen, but even still I could tell they were lips I had kissed a thousand times. I fell back as my worst fears were confirmed. Her eyes were shut, her breathing was labored and she was covered in blood, but it was my Bella. _

_A loud sob escaped my body, and a ripple ran around the room as awareness seeped in to those around me. They all knew how much Bella meant to me. _

_I didn't have much time to assess the true extent of her injuries, or even to fully comprehend what I was seeing, before one of the other residents rushed to Bella's side. _

"_Let us handle this," he said, attempting to push me away. _

_The logical part of my brain knew it was the wise thing to do. I knew the reason that we weren't permitted to work on family. I understood that the rational part of the brain switches off and we act impulsively. _

_But the emotional part of me couldn't let go of her hand. _

_I wanted to push everyone else aside and take her in my arms. I was almost convinced that she just needed me to hold her and she would be fine. She wouldn't leave me, not like this. Not after today. _

"_The baby," I whispered. _

_I heard a murmur pass between the two doctors that were hovering around her. _

"_Edward, you have to let her go." _

_I looked up into my father's eyes. I could see my own sorrow echoing in their depths. _

"_I promise I'll take care of her." _

_I nodded and let go of her hand. _

~ 0 ~

"You promised me!" I was shouting. I didn't know when I started shouting. "I trusted that you would look after her and you didn't."

His head hung sorrowfully from his shoulders and he seemed to age by the second. "I did everything I could."

I shook my head and slammed my fist onto the counter. "It wasn't enough. I lost everything. Don't you understand? _Everything!_"

~ 0 ~

_I just nodded when they gave me the news._

_I felt numb to the pain, sitting in the waiting room covered in the blood of my beloved. I hadn't bothered to clean myself up because I wanted to be there for Bella the instant she woke up. _

_I was sure she would wake up. My father was the best trauma surgeon in the US; he would make sure she was alright. He promised me. Truthfully, he shouldn't have been working on her at all, but Alice had been on the other gurney and had needed life-saving surgery too. There simply wasn't time for another doctor to be called in. It suited me though, because my dad was the best of the best. _

~ 0 ~

"Just go, please." I exhaled slowly. I had faced all I could face for one night. It was too cruel of my parents to expect anything else from me.

Dad looked like he was going to argue, but Mom touched his shoulder lightly and they left without another word.

~ 0 ~

_I headed to the restroom in a daze. _

_The news still hadn't sunk in. I wasn't sure it ever would. How could it? _

_Bella was having my baby. We were happy. We had the sort of love that made people envious. We had it all. _

She's gone.

_I stared at the mirror and a hollow man gazed back at me. All the life had been extinguished from him. His light had been snuffed the moment Bella had taken her last breath. _

_I looked away from the empty vessel and down toward my hands, frowning as I noticed the deep red stains of dried blood. I began to wash. I scrubbed again and again, but they wouldn't come clean. I frowned. It wasn't good enough. Nothing was good enough. I had to make sure everything was perfect. _

_I needed my hands to be clean for Bella, for when she reached out for me. It wouldn't do to welcome her back with blood on my hands. _

~ 0 ~

I cried myself to sleep. It wasn't manly, and it made me feel ashamed, but it was all I had left. Tears and pain.

I woke in the morning, stressed over the fresh visions of the nightmares that plagued me. The image of blood soaking my hands filled my mind. Other images clawed at my mind too: scrubbing and scrubbing to remove the deep crimson stains, a sallow face with haunted eyes staring back at me from a mirror, tears—endless tears, and darkness surrounding me as I drowned in a sea of black.

_It was only a dream. _

I blinked a few times, pushing down the truth that I refused to accept. I knew Bella wouldn't leave me here alone. She wouldn't leave me with this empty life, or with the constant clawing agony that tore at my chest and threatened to derail me completely.

She was going to come home.

Any moment now.

~ 0 ~


End file.
